You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
