everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
