I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
