Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
