I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
