You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
