somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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