I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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