Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The air taste purple.
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