so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
