he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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