so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
