No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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