you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
