and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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