I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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