I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize