That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
