I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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