the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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