Got a toothbrush?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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