and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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