I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
