I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
