I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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