put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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