If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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