I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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