When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
