Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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