Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
