i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
