Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
