I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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