I want to have your abortion
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
