the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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