I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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