I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
