WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
