New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
