I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
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I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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