That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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