I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
