I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
