Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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