Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
porn star boner night. come get it.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
