Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
