So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
