If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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