What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
