shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
