Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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