my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
