as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
