I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
