In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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