I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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