She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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