I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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