I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
