I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
