I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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