I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
