Pappa wants mamma naked
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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